Midwest

M and I feel like we adapted pretty quickly to living in the Midwest with the exception of one thing: the weather. To clarify: we don’t mind the weather itself, but the weather forecasts are as horrifically inaccurate as a little boy using the restroom.

This is pretty much what I see when I watch weather forecasts now:

Without knowing what kind of winter weather might be coming our way, any plans that don’t involve pajamas and our couch are nothing more than a hope and a dream. That being the case, M and I have been looking for a better way to predict winter weather and we think we may have stumbled upon an accurate, albeit rodent-based, weather forecasting model.

As you might recall, this year brought some severe weather to the Midwest over Christmas weekend. Predictably, in the days leading up to Christmas, the forecasters were all over the place in terms of how much snow to expect, how cold it might get, and how strong the wind might be. In other words, they didn’t seem to have a clue what was actually going to happen.

However, about two weeks before Christmas, we noticed that the squirrels in our area were acting a little odd and packing on weight with the focus and determination of someone disarming a bomb. Here are a few examples of scenarios that tipped us off that the squirrels knew something we didn’t:

This was the first major winter storm we have had since we moved in, and those squirrels clearly knew it was coming. Our squirrel-based winter weather forecasting system is therefore, as of this writing, 100% accurate.

For those of you don’t spend an adequate amount of time observing squirrels to look for behavior like the above, here is a quick-reference guide to my 100% accurate Midwest winter weather forecast system:

Now, you too can use this sophisticated technology to accurately predict winter weather in the Midwest!

As always, if you like this story, share it with your friends and family (or families… I’m not here to judge my fans with secret families) and follow me on social media so I can let you know when new posts are up. If you don’t like this story, maybe share it with that weird neighbor who does that thing you hate. Don’t talk to them about the thing you hate. No, you keep that thing bottled up until one of you moves away or dies. Instead, hit them with a poorly drawn story about weather squirrels that concludes with a suggestion that you share the story with neighbors you don’t like. They will forever be haunted by the question “Am I ‘friends and family’ or is Bob trying to tell me something?” That, my friend, is justice.

If you have thoughts or feelings about this post, feel free to leave a comment below because Nobody cares what you think.

– Nobody